Affirmations Don’t Work!
Why are so many of us triggered by the word affirmations? Here’s one, ‘Unlock your power”. How does that feel? Are some triggered because of finding poor results? Or because we don’t wish to be reminded how we didn’t really give them a proper go in the first place? How come they seem to work for some, and not others? Are there ‘rules’ for their use? Has the negative opinion of others simply rubbed off on too many people?
Before we jump into that, it’s probably worth setting the stage by addressing what in god’s name an affirmation actually is. While opinions and definitions vary, we are cutting straight to the chase by saying, ‘An affirmation is a statement of future intent’. The application of an affirmation is to repeat it often enough, till it comes true.
Many of us will recall the fairytale of Cinderella, having her recite over-and-over variations of “My Prince Charming is just around the corner” till BAM! her stalker appears on cue on the palace steps, glass slippers in hand, ready to go. Other than slippers being made of glass and somewhat impractical anyway for dancing – though she did lose one down the stone stairs if I recall, so they must be ok – Cinderella’s dream comes true and, well, they live for you know how, and for how long.
In today’s real world though, we might find a goal setter’s affirmation being something far more practical and achievable, such as ‘I’m going to be the biggest and richest social media influencer the world has ever seen’ or ‘I go to the gym three times per week’. The idea is you say something often enough, and it becomes your reality.
And yes, I can already hear the sceptics considering, “Well I said, ‘I can fly round the room’ 80,000 times’, and I still can’t do it!”. Yeah, I get that, but firstly anyone in that space perhaps already has it in their head that affirmations don’t work, and secondly, they’ll think effort in the area will be a waste of time. You see, it’s one thing to think they don’t work; it’s another thing to think they won’t work. Usually, it’s the sceptics who yell loudest here, leaving the rest of us bound up in their emotive disaster story (if they choose to share it) triggered much like a ‘breaking news’ report becoming a lasting association on the subject. This is why it is so important to keep efforts in this space to oneself, before setting ourselves up for the tall poppy choppers. Additionally, most sceptics often simply repeat the opinions of others (parents) and don’t wish to be seen as running too close to the wind in cuckoo town. No doubt there are too many personal development books that don’t really hit the mark. ‘Find my happiness’, ‘Change your mindset’, or ‘Improve my life’, they chant. That doesn’t help either.
As previously discussed, whether used formally or otherwise, we all live and breathe affirmations (or versions thereof) almost every minute of every day, so it pays to be aware of what we are sinking into our souls. Slightly more formal than Cinderella’s approach however, we are referring more to the use of affirmations in a more tactical way to assist reach goals or change the way we see the world. It’s true though, no matter how well the process is followed, affirmations simply don’t work for everyone. And there are good reasons having little to do with our propensity as humans tending to be more negative (as from our inbuilt survival instinct of a negative bias) but for reasons more to do with personal and psychological reasons.
One reason affirmations won’t work is when believed they don’t work. Secondly, is believed they won’t work. These are quite separate, the first typically drawing from previous experience, and the second leaning more toward the opinion of others. A third and more important factor relates to an individual having low self-esteem – and which ironically also feeds back to reasons one and two.
Low self-esteem (and poor ego) can wreak havoc in this space, and which recent research further supports. When working with affirmations is contemplated, it’s critical to establish what factors are in play. Low self-esteem has potential to derail the strongest efforts with this otherwise useful psychological tool – whether utilised professionally or otherwise. Though, why would it be that the opinion of oneself can get in the way of improving oneself? Well, it’s more to do with confidence in our ability to achieve any new outcome. It’s a vicious cycle. They key is to get a few ducks lined up before using affirmations.
In a nutshell, anyone with a poor self-image or general poor opinion of themselves needs to first get over this hurdle. A new foundation needs to be established from which work can begin. Remember the wise-wise man who built his house upon the rocks? Well, other than the significant risk a whole house collapsing if built on sand, think for a moment of goals throughout our life as being additions to a home; the concrete piles for a new deck for example are best in solid ground – if the house already sits on quicksand, there’s no use adding on a new deck.
Which brings us then to how do we establish whether one has a poor self-image or low self-esteem? Well, this might seem tricky, but it’s achieved by simply asking oneself directly for a soulful and honest answer to thew question, ‘What do I really think of myself?’
An approach for where others sit here is to look for their tell-tale signs, or to observe directly for certain behaviours. One way here is to watch for how much attention does one seek by making things awkward or difficult for others? Individuals typically going out of their way to deliberately create roadblocks (even cheeky or inappropriate remarks, or boisterous stupidity followed with ‘I was only joking’) provide clues to their own insecurities. They might do this attempting to provide themselves an excuse or reason for then why others don’t like them. This is much like advice given new college or uni dorm students in making sure they get a prank in there first, before those other students will get to you before you know it! Here, low self-esteem’ers then have something more concrete on which to hang their hat, when it all turns to custard, or they get the cold shoulder, or the biff.
This might seem a cry-baby-in-the-sandpit thing, but adults do it all the time. Afterall, if they don’t like themselves all that much, how could they expect anything different from others?
Checking for underlying character traits is crucial to helping better understand an individual before any mind-work or counselling can begin. There are some simple psychometric tools available for anyone curious to delve more deeply into such realms, without the need for high cost or time-consuming professional counselling. These tools are some of the very same tools used by professional psychologists and psychiatrists in determining an individual’s baseline from which to then work. Individuals can self-assess in the privacy of their own mind and then make decisions on any approach.
In the meantime, affirmations really do work, but they don’t work for everyone (well, not yet). And while we might think everyone plays hopscotch just the same, some play their affirmation hop-scotch game much more productively and cleverer than others, gaining more durable and long-lasting results.